Going back to work after having a baby is no small feat. I know firsthand just how emotional and challenging it can be. Joey started daycare at 4.5 months old when I had to return to work. It was a huge milestone in our lives as one day we were inseparable and the next I was commuting 45 minutes to an hour to work and being away from him from 8 am to 5.30 pm each day. What’s more, I sometimes had to take night calls due to my work with Asia, which further reduced the quality of time I had to spend with him and time for myself. I struggled in the beginning as I felt that I wasn’t able to be fully present at work and I wasn’t able to be fully present with him once I was home.
Over the next few months, I quickly discovered tips and products that were truly helpful in helping me maintain some sense of sanity (and keep my ADHD in order) and helped me maximize the time I spend with him.
My Tips on How To Manage Work and a Baby
1. Have an open and honest discussion with your manager, your team, and your peers.
One of the things that was the most surprising to me about going back to work was how quickly it was expected to be all in. While the first couple of months were manageable, things got tough when Joey had his first viral infection from daycare. My husband and I alternated staying home with him. He recovered after a week but fell sick 3 days back at daycare. I was overwhelmed.
It was challenging to work work and care for a sick baby who needed extra attention from us. I realized that I had to openly communicate with my work about what was going on. While I didn’t want to miss important deadlines, I needed to some flexibility. I told them I might need to reschedule day meetings or have Joey present during calls. Having this upfront discussion made it easier for me to be away when Joey needed me.
2. Find a reliable daycare
This is by far one of the most important decisions you will make as a working parent. Tour multiple facilities, ask other mom friends or your local Facebook groups for recommendations, and make sure you feel fully comfortable with the staff and environment before choosing your daycare. If you live in a metropolitan city, the daycare waitlist can be long so put your name on the list sooner than later.
3. Have an efficient packing strategy
Joey goes to daycare 5 days a week and efficient packing was a game-changer for me during the week. I recommend having two bags – one that stays at the daycare and is repacked monthly, and another that you use daily. I talked about this in great detail in my guide to daycare essentials, but it is worth repeating the main items that are packed daily:
- Bottles
- Breastmilk and/or Formula + Formula dispenser container: A cooler bag is a must for moms providing breastmilk. If you are formula-feeding, simplify the process with pre-measured scoops of formula in a dispenser container.
- Extra Clothes
- Solids: I usually send him with oatmeal and a pouch or a thermos with baby-led friendly food.
Check out: The Ultimate Infant Daycare Packing List
4. Set aside time in the evening and morning for the daycare bag prep
Once Joey goes to bed, I set 30 minutes aside to pack his back for the next day as much as possible. This has been so helpful because I don’t spend the morning rushing to pack which could lead to forgetting something.
5. Use weekends to plan out the upcoming week’s drop-off and pick-up plans
Every Sunday, my husband and I would look at our work and personal schedules to plan out who does the drop-off and pick-up each day. This helps us have a more dynamic schedule with work.
6. Don’t feel guilty about time away
Finally, try not to beat yourself up over being away from your kiddo. This was the hardest lesson for me to learn. Remember that you are doing this for them. You are working this hard to give your little one the best life you can. Plus, being away from your child for a while is a great way to model independence and strength for your child.
How to Balance Working Mom Guilt
The infamous “working mom guilt” will likely rear its ugly head at some point after heading back to work. Naively, I didn’t anticipate this for me as I was always extremely career-driven and was that person who worked all the time, even on vacation, so I expected to enjoy being back at work. I never imagined just how tough it can be to deal with it. That’s why I want to share a few mindset shifts that helped me minimize those feelings of internal conflict:
- Reframe your thinking – Instead of dwelling on the time you spend away from your baby while at the office, focus on the type of role model you are when you are together. Children with working moms benefit from seeing firsthand what a career woman looks like – and this is an invaluable perspective you are providing.
- Set family time boundaries – Be strict about protecting evenings and weekends for family time only. Block off your calendar (I have an automated out-of-office from 5:30 pm – 8 pm), mute email and Slack notifications, and get creative about spending quality time together. My favorite part of the day now is seeing Joey’s face when I wake him up first thing in the morning and when we see each other in the evening.
- Connect during the day – Thanks to technology, connecting with your baby during the workday is easier than ever. Talk to your daycare to send photos or short video clips throughout the day so you can see what’s happening in real-time. This always gives me an instant mood boost and know that he’s in good hands!
Balancing motherhood and a career is never easy. However, when you are a little bit gentle on yourself and try to find the joy in all seasons, it goes a long way in helping take away some of that pressure to have it “all together”. The truth is that no one has it all together and it’s time we start talking about that instead. You’ve got this mama!
Let’s hear it from you: Do you have other tips or products that help you during the week?
